


Sticks and Stones

by pinksnowboots



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ficlet, Ficlet Collection, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:43:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8804941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinksnowboots/pseuds/pinksnowboots
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya are sleeping together and no one understands why.Ficlets on a dysfunctional relationship.





	1. Love is Pain, Highness

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of thoughts about Shizuo and Izaya, but not a lot of stories. Anything that ends up here will probably be short, unedited, and honest about the fact that I think Shizuo and Izaya's relationship is fascinating, but unhealthy and not something to be romanticized.

“So,” Shinra starts, “Are you and Izaya like, in love?”

Shinra is not the only one who wants to ask the question, but he’s the only one brave or stupid enough to actually do it.

“Pfff. Love” Shizuo scoffs. “You know what Izaya loves? Humans. And you’ve seen what he does to them.”

Undaunted and unmatched in bravery and an utter lack of ability to read situations, Shinra presses on.

“Yes, but that’s not real love. You know, like _love_ love. The kind between two people, romantically.”

“What use is that to me?” Shizuo’s words drip with derision.

“What do I know about that kind of love? I know that Namie loves Seiji and Mika loves Seiji and Seiji loves _your_ girlfriend's head and any of them would destroy the others without blinking for their love."

"I know that Saika claims to love each and every person deeply and intimately and that is why she slashes them. I know that Izaya never shuts up about his love for all of humankind even as he watches them burn.”

Shinra looks at Shizuo as the words tumble out of him.

“Love is pain, Shinra. Loving someone means your hurt them and to be loved is to be hurt. I have no love for Izaya and no desire to feel his love.”

“Shizuo,” Shinra finally interjects, “Not all love is like that. I love Celty, remember? And she loves me, and there’s no pain in that.”

Shizuo fixes him with a stare so sharp Shinra can almost feel it cut through Shizuo’s sunglasses.

“You love Celty, but didn’t you first fall in love with her when you were _slicing her open_?"

For once, Shinra has no answer.


	2. Bruises Make for Better Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their bodies give them away.

"You're here early," Namie comments dryly as Izaya sweeps into the office.

Izaya slaps his left hand onto his chest, faux-wounded.

"No good morning for your boss, Namie?"

Namie looks up from her computer to glance at Izaya as one would a troublesome pet interrupting one's work. Her eyes stick on the hand shaped bruise on Izaya's right collarbone, peeking out from under the fur trim of his coat and the hand that's still clutched melodramatically to his breast.

"What's with the bruise? Did Heiwajima finally get to you and if so, why aren't you dead?" She asks, betraying nothing but boredom and ever-so-slight disappointment.

Izaya smiles, much too widely.

"Shrewd observation Namie, there's hope for you yet. Actually, I did die."

His eyes flash, catlike.

"But only a little death."

Namie rolls her eyes.

"Pity."

\---------------------------------------

"Hey Shizuo, what's wrong with your neck?" Tom asks after yet another successful visit to a few people with outstanding debts.

In Tom's book, any visit where Shizuo throws two or less people out a window is considered "successful."

Confused, Shizuo tries and fails to look at his own neck before realizing that it makes much more sense to glance at his reflection in the store window they're passing by.

"Flea bites," he grunts, "Can't seem to get rid of the damn pest."

"Wait, your apartment is infested?" Tom asks, ever the concerned friend.

"Yeah, something like that." Shizuo replies, only half listening as he scrubs his neck in annoyance as if he can rub the bruises away with brute strength and willpower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Little death" is slang for orgasm, by the way.


	3. It's Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being fuck buddies is a little more complicated when you literally want each other dead.

The first time they fucked, the cum hadn’t even dried on Izaya’s legs when Shizuo pushed him away and told him to get out. 

Izaya had pouted, incredulous.

“But Shizu-chan,” he faux-simpered. “Don’t you want to cuddle?”

Shizuo looked at him as if he wasn’t sure who has more disgusted with: Izaya, or himself for fucking Izaya.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh dear, did you forget what just happened already?”

“Fuck _off_ , Izaya.” Shizuo growled. “And get out of my apartment.”

“It’s already 4 am and it’s cold outside.” Izaya said. “You wouldn’t make me walk home in that, would you?”

“I don’t enjoy pain. Unlike you.” Shizuo retorted, glancing at the mouth- and hand-shaped bruises that covered Izaya’s body. “And I don’t want you to stab me in my sleep.”

“What if I promise to be very very go-”

“You have 30 seconds to put your clothes on,” Shizuo cut him off. “And then you’re out the door, naked or clothed.”

“But it’s dangerous out there for someone small and helpless like me.”

Shizuo snorted and started counting down from 30.

“I could get mugged or kidnapped,” Izaya continued, grabbing his clothes. “Or stabbed.”

“Good.”

True to his word, Shizuo picked Izaya up, half-carried half-dragged him to the front door, bodily tossed him out of it and slammed the door behind him.

Izaya stared at the door, still half-dressed and torn between laughter and annoyance because really, Shizuo could learn a thing or two about chivalry and the proper way to treat a lover.

But on the other hand, Izaya _did_  enjoy being manhandled.

* * *

As the fucking became habitual for them, the post-fucking ritual did too. 

Shizuo would tell Izaya to get the fuck out of his apartment and Izaya would leave, either sauntering out of his own volition or physically ejected if he’d tried to rile Shizuo up beforehand. 

They never went to Izaya’s apartment, and neither of them were entirely sure whose decision that was. 

Sometimes getting Shizuo to kick him out was a fun game, especially because post-coital Shizuo wanted nothing more than to sleep, and shoving (or literally throwing) Izaya out was more of a nuisance to Shizuo than it was to Izaya. 

Sometimes leaving was a bit less fun, because it really was a long trek back to Shinjuku and sometimes Izaya just wanted to pass out too. Also because occasionally Shizuo was overzealous in the “kicking him out” department, and just because Izaya liked pain didn’t mean he liked being flung into a railing. 

Eventually, riling Shizuo up by refusing to leave his bed got boring, and Izaya started to leave of his own accord, saving the fighting and manhandling for before and during the act.

* * *

After the 53nd time they had sex (or maybe it was the 45th, or the 67th-after it happened enough to qualify as a habit or an addiction, Izaya had stopped keeping count), things changed.

As he came down from the haze of orgasm, Izaya watched Shizuo, who was lazily inspecting the angry scratch marks all over his biceps and abs. Izaya’s handiwork.

“What are you looking at?” He demanded, noticing Izaya’s gaze.

“Just admiring my handiwork. It’s important to be proud of your achievements, Shizu-chan.” Izaya didn’t feel like moving, so he talked, hoping it would distract Shizuo for a few moments longer. “Not that you would know, because you don’t have any.”

Shizuo threw a towel at Izaya, the kind gesture undercut by the fact that it hit him in the face. 

Refusing to acknowledge Shizuo’s smirk, Izaya pulled the towel off his head and started to clean himself up, just enough so that he wouldn’t feel too disgusting by the time he got to his own apartment for a real shower.

He finished quickly-a habit that he’d developed in order to avoid being ejected from the apartment naked when Shizuo was feeling particularly intolerant of his presence-and began to collect his clothes when he noticed that Shizuo appeared to have passed out on his bed.

Izaya knew it would be smart to leave him alone, but leaving well enough alone had never been one of Izaya’s strong suits.

“Hey, Shizu-chan,” Izaya poked him. “Does this mean I get to stay?”

“Sure. Whatever.” Shizuo mumbled, sounding half asleep.

Suspecting a trick, Izaya asked, “But aren’t you worried I might kill you in your sleep?”

“You couldn’t.” Shizuo rolled over, burying his face in the pillow.

“What, you think that even if I stabbed you I’m not strong enough to do any real damage?” Izaya asked. “Or do you think that after all this, some sort of _feeling_  would stay my hand?”

No answer

“Shizu-chan?”

The only answer he got were soft snores.

Izaya considered stabbing Shizuo out of pettiness and spite, to express his displeasure at the fact that Shizuo not only wasn’t afraid of him, but apparently found him non-threatening enough to fall asleep while he was talking.

Although taking the chance to kill Shizuo, or at the very least give him some interesting scars, was tempting, so was the small space on Shizuo’s bed that was currently open. And if Izaya was trusted enough that Shizuo let his guard down this much in front of him…

Fuck it, Izaya decided, crawling into the bed and claiming all the covers. Killing Shizuo could wait at least one more day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is silly and pointless, but I was wondering how the logistics would work if they were fucking-whose apartment would they go to, how would they deal with the fact that they literally want to murder each other and that makes it hard to spend the night anywhere, etc? 
> 
> I guess my conclusion is that Shizuo is much smarter than he looks and Izaya thinks he's a lot slicker than he actually is. Plus, they're kinda still at a stalemate because knife or no, I don't think Izaya could ever do much damage to Shizuo.
> 
> Anyway, random as this chapter/this whole fic is, if you're enjoying it at all, I love love love getting comments! I would say *hint hint* but it's not a hint, I'm flat-out telling y'all that I crave validation and would love to get it in the form of kudos and comments (if you're so inclined-no pressure).


	4. Marry, Fuck, Kill?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinra asks the questions that no one else will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Shinra because he's the perfect straight man. He has basically no sense of propriety or tact and he genuinely considers Shizuo and possible Izaya his friends. He doesn't understand what's going on with them, but rather than being disgusted, he's just curious. Thanks for being you, Shinra.
> 
> As always, I just want to remind everyone that I light up with happiness whenever I see new comments. It's kinda pathetic, but that's ok.

As one of the few (and likely only) people who considered both of them his friends, at least nominally, Shinra asks the questions that no one else will ask.

“So, have you given up on killing Shizuo since you’re…”

Shinra trails off with a mischievous smile and makes a dirty hand gesture that makes it abundantly clear how little he knows about the mechanics of sex between two men.

Izaya snorts, “I wouldn’t say I’ve given up, I’ve just…shifted my priorities for the moment.”

“You’ve gone soft, Izaya,” Shinra teases. “The old Izaya would have jumped at the chance to stab Shizuo in his sleep.”

“Aren’t you his friend too? You probably shouldn’t be giving me advice on how to murder him.”

“I figure I’m not telling you anything you haven’t thought of already,” Shinra shrugs. “If Shizuo’s still alive after sleeping in the same bed as you, there must be a reason.

Izaya hums, noncommittal.

"Do you ever think about it?” Shinra presses on, disguising his voyeuristic tendencies as harmless curiosity. “What would life be like for you without Shizuo?”

Izaya smiles, the smile that appears when he’s watching a train wreck and laughing because he orchestrated it.

“Boring.”

* * *

 

The next time Shizuo comes to their house to see Celty, Shinra poses the same question.

“Hey Shizuo, I have a totally random question, just popped into my head for absolutely no reason.”

Shizuo looks at him like he’s never seen anyone with less common sense. Which is quite possibly true true.

“Do you ever think about what your life would be like without Izaya?”

Even without a head, Celty manages to glare at Shinra for not behaving and potentially pushing Shizuo one step closer to the “throwing street signs and people” level of rage.

Shizuo only scoffs, indicating that he’s still a few steps back from that rage level.

“I don’t believe in hypothetical questions.”

Celty steers the conversation in another direction amazingly quickly for someone who can’t speak verbally and for a while the question is forgotte as Shinra launches into story about a patient who came to him for help with an embarassing sex injury.

While Shinra is preoccupied with his story, Celty catches Shizuo looking contemplative, stuck on the hypothetical question that he doesn’t believe in.

She’s not completely sure, but she thinks she see him silently mouth, as if to himself, “Happy. Maybe then I’d be happy.”


	5. Kinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to sex, Shizuo doesn't have any kinks, except for tenderness.

When they fuck, they don't have a safe word. Their safe words are Shizuo's strength and Izaya's knife, never too far away to reach even when Izaya is naked and seemingly vulnerable. Their safe word is the fact that they can hurt each other and will hurt each other, but can't hurt each other but so much.

They don't have a safe word because Shizuo doesn't even know what a safe word is and Izaya wants to get hurt.

Izaya brings up the topic after they first fuck, in the small period of time where Shizuo's still catching his breath before throwing Izaya out.

"So, are you into bondage?" Izaya asks casually, as if this was normal pillow talk and they didn't hate each other.

"What?" Shizuo replies, only half comprehending. 

"Bondage, Shizu-chan. Tying someone up or getting tied up in a sexual context. Surely even you've heard of that."

"Don't call me that." Shizuo snaps out of instinct, reacting to the nickname before the rest of the sentence registers. "And fuck no."

"What a shame." Izaya sighs. "Well, what about knifeplay?"

"Fuck no." Shizuo replies flatly.

"Waxplay?"

"I've never heard of that before and I don't want to now."

"Breathplay?"

"If you think I'm letting your grubby little hands anywhere near my neck..." Shizuo looks horrified at the thought.

"Hmmm...watersports?"

Shizuo shoots him a look of pure disgust, and in lieu of an answer, picks Izaya up and deposits him, half-naked, on Shizuo's doorstep, slamming the door closed behind him.

* * *

 

Shizuo doesn't have any kinks, or so Izaya thinks when they first start sleeping together. It's disappointing, but not unexpected. Shizuo isn't human, so why would he be able to understand human sexuality in all its beautiful depravity? 

Izaya has lots of kinks. At least he thinks he has lots of kinks. As much as Izaya loves humanity, he's spent so much time observing them from the sidelines that the idea of sex with one of them seems strange and unappealing. Izaya's human, but he's also more than human, and the idea of baring himself physically or mentally to one of the people he watches like animals at a zoo and kills like ants under a magnifying glass is unfathomable. Even though Izaya is fascinated by the wide range of things that humans do to achieve sexual pleasure, he's never had the opportunity to fully explore his own kinks because the idea of being touched by a mere human is disgusting.

The idea of being touched by Shizuo is also disgusting, but disgusting in a way that makes Izaya want it to happen. When Shizuo touches him he wants to crawl out of his skin, but he also wants to crawl into Shizuo's.

Maybe, Izaya thinks, one of his kinks is Shizuo.

It makes sense. He's always been fixated on Shizuo in one way or another. Some days he views Shizuo as an annoyance to be removed, some days as a problem to solve. Some days he spends thinking obsessively about what makes Shizuo tick, turning it over and over in his mind until he begins to understand why Shinra took such pleasure in cutting Celty open.

Recently, he's become more and more fixated on Shizuo's body.

Shizuo's hands are callused and rough and huge, even compared to his body. When they touch Izaya, he can feel the barely restrained strength behind them, can sense that with a single lapse of control those hands could snap his bones and break his neck, and the juxtaposition of Shizuo's tender touches with the promise of potential destruction makes Izaya shiver.

Shizuo's lips are chapped and cracked and feel rough on Izaya's skin. Nothing about Shizuo is smooth or refined, and Izaya is not surprised to see that Shizuo worries at his lips with his teeth when he's thinking, peeling off bits of skin until there are no more layers to peel, only blood. 

Shizuo's lips have gotten worse since he's started sleeping with Izaya, and Izaya hopes that it is because of him. 

* * *

Izaya eventually finds out that Shizuo does have a kink after all, after a fashion.

Izaya loves pain during sex, craves the bite marks and hand shaped bruises that he finds the next day, that he can press down on to remember the pain he felt when they were created. The pain itself is a secret, and the marks are a hint, hinting that Izaya has survived an experience that most people wouldn't dare put themselves through. Not only survived it, but come back for more, sought Shizuo out and provoked him in exactly the right way.

At first, Shizuo seems to be made to fulfill Izaya's desire for pain. The first time they fuck, it happens because they're fighting first. Somehow the fighting in alleyways with knives and projectiles turns into a different type of fight, one that happens in Shizuo's tiny bedroom and that involves far less clothing. It makes no sense at all how they ended up in this situation and yet it somehow feels natural. Shizuo is angry, confused rage that can't decide whether it's more angry at Izaya or Shizuo himself; Izaya is gleeful, giddy from the contact high that comes with Shizuo's anger. 

The next day, Izaya is covered in bruises and can barely walk, and he tells anyone who will listen that he got in a fight with Shizuo. The reactions are almost as good as the residual pain, as even people who hate Izaya tell him he's lucky he got away alive if Shizuo actually got his hands on him.

Izaya's not sure he agrees, but there's no point in arguing.

Shizuo finds him within 48 hours, furious that Izaya and his bruises have ruined people's impression of him.

You can't ruin something that was never good in the first place, Izaya tells him. Everyone knows that Shizuo is a monster, and all Izaya's doing is confirming it.

Shizuo throws something at him and Izaya pulls out his knife and somehow they end up in Shizuo's bed again.

The next few times are the same. They fight their way out of the streets and out of their clothes and into Shizuo's bed together, and they both end up covered with scrapes and bruises which Shizuo hides and Izaya flaunts.

Izaya doesn't realize that Shizuo hates rough sex, that he hides the bruises and scrapes from himself more than from anyone else, because they remind him of what he wants but cannot have.

Shizuo's been called the epitome of violence his whole life, and violence is the last thing he wants to take to bed with him. Shizuo craves tenderness and soft touches, wants to have a lover who he can treat with care, who knows about his strength and trusts him not to use it against them.

Izaya is not that lover.

Shizuo wants someone he can make love to, but Izaya cannot fathom love with pain. And Izaya always gets his way. 

It's not a spoken rule, but they don't kiss. Kissing is for lovers and humans, and Izaya deems it unnecessary. He never offers it, and for a while, Shizuo never takes it. 

Then one say, Izaya finds himself at Shizuo's apartment without a fight beforehand as an invitation. Shizuo looks shocked to see him at his doorstep and perhaps because of that shock, he lets him in without a fight, lays him down, undresses him. 

Kisses him, deeply and tenderly.

It's so uncharacteristic that for a moment Izaya forgets who he is, forgets who he's with, forgets that he hates Shizuo more than he's hated anything, and melts into it, gripping Shizuo's shoulders like a lifeline.

The feeling of Shizuo's chapped lips bring him back to reality and he panics and bites down on Shizuo's lower lip so hard that he tastes blood, hoping the pain will bring them back to something familiar.

Shizuo pulls back and Izaya sees that his lower lip is bleeding. He feels something like satisfaction until Shizuo lowers his head and kisses Izaya's neck, softly and without teeth, leaving small smears of blood wherever his mouth goes. 

Izaya feels like he's burning, like he wants burn off his skin, burn off Shizuo's blood and Shizuo's sweat and Shizuo's touch. He wants to let the fire inside of him expand until it consumes them both and leaves nothing behind but a pile of ash.

Shizuo notices that he's shaking and lifts his head to look Izaya in the eye. He looks like he's about to say something terrible like "Are you okay?", so Izaya drags him down and kisses him, pouring all his blood and fire into his lips and tongue and the fingers digging into the back of Shizuo's neck.

Shizuo kisses him, long and slow and deep, and keeps kissing him until Izaya forgets where they are or how long they've been kissing. He forgets that there was ever a time that he didn't know the taste of Shizuo's mouth. He forgets about the pain that he wanted to give and to receive.

He almost forgets who he is.

When Izaya's lips are swollen and his eyes blown, Shizuo moves on to the rest of his body, slowly and gently worshiping every inch with his hands and mouth, lingering over the scars and blemishes that come from a lifetime of working with dangerous people. 

Shizuo takes him apart, inch by inch, and fucks him slowly, taking painstaking care to cause no pain. Izaya didn't know that pleasure could exist without pain, doesn't know how to process it. He doesn't know if he wants to peel off his own skin or sink into Shizuo's touch and never let go. He finds himself unable to do anything but cling to Shizuo, one hand around his soulder and the other clutched in his hair as Shizuo mouths along his jawline. 

Izaya had always thought that human sexuality was inextricably tied up with pain, that pain was the basis for pleasure. Shizuo teaches him that tenderness can be just as potent, enough to make Izaya shake with emotions that he can't pinpoint and can't name. 

When Shizuo finally touches his dick, it doesn't take long to push him over the edge. As he comes, Izaya realizes that he's crying. So he kisses Shizuo again, because Shizuo kisses with his eyes closed and Izaya doesn't want to be seen like this. 

Izaya notices that Shizuo whispers Izaya's name against his lips as he comes, and that for the first time, Shizuo doesn't make him leave afterwards. 

What Izaya doesn't notice in his haste to turn away, to hide his glistening eyes that smack of weakness, is that Shizuo's eyes aren't dry either.

 


End file.
